A little nothing.

I was going apologise for being AWOL for so long (since June) but I am not really sorry.

I am not that in to social media all that much. That’s nothing new. I like real life interactions, you know, that thing called life. Sharing my life with the world is not my ‘job’ like it is for some. I am not a social media influencer or some Only Fans person or other online business masquerading as you friend. I am just a person. Actually I am quite boring and maybe that’s refreshing. The beauty of this site is that it’s pretty public and you could find it if you wanted to, but no one really will. So it’s my archive, without the ads. I have few pictures of random stuff but nothing too exciting. The smashed windscreen was from some kids throwing rocks from the side of the freeway. The Police said I was pretty lucky, a few months ago a guy died from the same thing. Other than that, trying to go to gym, working in the vegetable garden, studying Cyber Sec stuff on Try Hack Me and Hack the Box. I closed my Twitter account when Elon bought it out and I do not miss it for 2 seconds.

Anyhow, I just wrapped up a teaching job that started back in July. Funny, how life forces me to eat my words. Statements like ‘I’ll never go back teaching’ or ‘School’s are not safe places for trans folks’. Perhaps schools are like boyfriends. Maybe they’re arn’t all a—holes? Anyhow, it got me finacially out of the red until January so I can’t complain.

Been playing a lot of roller derby at the moment. Not sure if you know that about me. Broke the plate on my skates and decided on a new pair. The grand final is this Saturday, but I injured my leg so I wont be playing. A little disappointed but I dont think its worth further damage if I played.

No new art. I haven’t been taking many pictures. It’s a freeing thing to be unpopular. Been working on myself a bit too. Might be playing with a new music group in December. I should get some new strings for my bass.

I was thinking the other day; I really need to get sober. So here we are 11 days without alcohol. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I feel tired, but at least I am losing that puffy water weight and my anxiety baseline is returning to normal. People say once you’re an addict you never really stop being an addict, that recovery is life long. That sort of frightens me and feels hopeless. I have some idols I am using as a spiritual inspiration; Rich Roll, Russell Brand and Trent Reznor. I am taking the medical angle as lever to get well so I listen podcast by Dr Andrew Huberman.

My kinky side is very quiet. My heart fell out of it. It just felt like I was being used as hook up service. I wanted to get to know what playmates liked but no one ever seemed to come back again. Something that I loved for the longest time just feels like a distant fairy-tale now. Did I really do those things? Was that really me? Occasionally I buy something for my nest or dress up for myself but that world feels like a whole previous life or dream now. Like it was hundreds of years ago. 

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