I’d do almost anything for you (2020)

You know I am definitely not the first MTF person that had a massive crush on a straight cis guy friend. In fact I am not the only person who had a friend they liked a lot more than just a friend (don’t worry ‘straights’, I wont leave you out, after all, I should be inclusive).

I had this guy I really liked, but I explicitly knew we were sexually incompatible and when he finally found a cis girl who could fulfill all his needs including domination, friendship and real cis vaginal sex, in my selfish thoughts, I was absolutely devastated and I had to pretend how happy I was for him.

And while sometimes I feel better about making art and writing about it as a sort of cathartic expulsion of my feelings about something, I still hurt deep down and every time I see him I feel sick because I really like him and I’ll never tell him how I actually feel now.

So there you go, that dumb movie you saw with the same plot is really just an normal life experience that some thought would be a good Hollywood cliche. What a joke, my life is now a movie. Only that it’s not really that funny, and there is no fairy tale ending. It’s just a fucking heartache that I’ll need to walk away from and drown with gin if ever want to forget you. Who really dominated who?

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