RIP old me (2020)

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Hey, I hope you had a lovely May long weekend if you’re an Ontarian.

Occasionally, I have these loopy thoughts.

Okay, let be fair, I have loopy thoughts a lot of the time. And I don’t mean to hurt myself but sometimes I get carried away. Perhaps it’s my imagination. So I had this thought a while ago, like 2 years ago, but it stuck with me. Here goes it. I had this thought jump into my head. It was a sudden realization that my old identity was dead and I felt objectively sad like I had killed someone or they had died. Here’s the next weird thing. I sort of wanted my old self to come through the front door and scoop me up and romance me. And when I knew that would never happen, I cried.

I understand that’s a bit psycho. I am pretty unfazed by weird things but it’s another level. I don’t really have an explanation for it. Maybe I have multiple personalities? I don’t know how you would even test for that. I mean after transitioning, not a lot has changed. A lot of the same interests remained. I still liked the same hobbies, the same foods, the same exercise regime and I even still like do ‘boy things’ (I know it’s sexist, but otherwise it won’t make sense). Did I really kill him? or are we just one and the same.

Now you can feel good that you don’t have crazy thoughts like that.

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