Getting Better (2020)

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Busy, Talk later.

Come on, I can’t really keep my mouth shut. I read to chapter 6 yesterday afternoon, yeah I ain’t no speed reader. I did some of the activities along the way, which were really helpful. Still liking the book. Still making art. Feeling a lot less hopeless, even though not much has changed in my life.

I have recently reduced my social media browsing / online interactions and I feel like the old me a bit more. More productive, albeit, a bit sheltered, especially from the weird comments, stupid emojis, likes, news, and advertising. Maybe that’s losing touch but I think I like the peace and solitude. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see people or I don’t care about them. I love seeing people, but in real life, not through a series of short messages.

I also feel much less concerned about pushing some sort of online profile. You know I always feel like I am worrying if people think I am interesting. I am not ‘sickly sweet’ interesting or particularly skilled in anything that is ‘hip’ right now. I just do things I like and I don’t want to feel like I am weird because no else is into that and I don’t want to have to change just because I’m not a good little ‘sheep’.I know I shouldn’t really care about whether people care about me, but it does seem to be a fairly ‘normal’ thing these days. There are people that live and die off the approval of others.

You know, I remember when myspace and then Facebook came out and I just was really against it (I hate competitions and sport) because I had a hunch it was literally going to turn into a popularity contest and then it would eventually be hijacked by advertising and businesses and I was 100% right.

And I’ll just stick this rant in here because I feel like it. Because humans are conditioned like dogs to compete against each other and seem to somehow turn everything it to a shit fight to be the best, most strong, most famous, most rich, most attractive, most intelligent, fastest, efficient, super sneaky, cold lying, slick scamming pieces of shit standing as king and owner of dickhead mountain on a throne, on a rock, floating in space, so insignificant, that basically in the grand scheme of things it’s just is a split second in time, a tiny piece of dust, that means fuck all. None of us are worth anything or mean anything in the current model and social media has become just another virtual enabling metaphysical soccer match. Imagine instead if we spent 2 fucking seconds suggesting that we should work together rather than kick each other off the life ladder

People used to brag about how many friends they had on Facebook. When Instagram and Youtube came along, and people were able to basically monetize their online presence, things really got weird and suddenly having ‘friends’ was big biz. Suddenly it doesn’t matter if you are intelligent or skilled or kind or shaping a better world. All that matters is being a puppet for ‘clicks’, ‘views’, ‘likes’, ‘follows’, ‘comments’ and ‘subscriptions’. I still find it bizarre and it’s invasive because no matter how much I edit my privacy or preferences, I still get weird content coming into my feed simply because its ‘trending’. And when you can’t control that anymore it’s just torture and time eating and that content is fucking garbage.

And I am not being nostalgic, because I never enjoyed social media. It is a necessary evil now. But what happens if I don’t want to participate. People I know, my ‘friends’ start getting upset because it becomes inconvenient for them to communicate with me and I’m forced to choose. Friends and garbage content or Solitude and real choice over how I spend my time.

Social media is addictive and has made me personally feel more lonely. I often feel it is an artificial way of communication. And for all my so-called friends and even family, I am so rarely contacted that most days I can log in and all I see is as a garbage content and advertising app all day long. It is designed that if you have no one who contacts you, which is often for me, you can still scroll and scroll in the hope something interesting will come up. The content, of course, is so trashy and attention-seeking you just keep scrolling over more and more bad memes and trumpisms and caught on cameras and crime videos and car crashes and right-wing news and anti LGBTIQ2A content and you keep going and going hoping something will be interesting but it just gets depressing and you get depressed and your like ‘fucking hell, is this how I spend my time now?’

I have been harassed online, I have been stalked. I have had colleagues and bosses keep tabs on me (yeah my workplace admitted to spying on my Facebook). For all I know the government watches me. Because the platform is so low brow the relationships through the medium are degraded. Most of the time when I talk to friends and family it feels I am talking to a ‘bot’ (An AI program that emulates a typed conversation).

I sound like a crazy-old-bitter-person. But I have never really experienced any positive benefit of using the major social media platforms and even some less known platforms. I would much prefer to spend time reading a book, that has been actually published by an expert, rather than reading some bullshit online. I prefer to go out shooting with my camera and edit photos, not than endlessly YouTubing crap to smash my boredom, no matter what time it is. I love to go out for a meal or drink or cook with my partner or have a picnic. Can’t stand checking out what fucking meme someone has put on their wall with # Fuck my life.

I know this virus has made meeting up impossible. But the truth for me has always been that I just like hanging out with people in real life. Seeing people for real. Making art. Taking photos. Taking drive. Eating a good meal. Going to a sex club. Going for a bike ride or a skate. Getting drunk and high. My fondest memories are sitting around drinking with my friends, talking about art, talking about life, going out to the clubs, having a dance or doing a mud run or playing a gig, working in the garden, going to the beach, working on the car. I don’t give a fuck about the web and certainly don’t a fuck about social media or those kinds of platforms and I never will. I’ll leave you will the hypocritical irony that I wrote this on a website.

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