All or Nothing Thinking (2020)

Screen Shot 2020-04-30 at 11.03.48 am

Don’t do this very often. Black and white Photo Montage. If you have not figured it out, I am pretty neurotic. Turns out I am pretty crazy too. Of course, when you are crazy, you don’t really know it. So in an effort to be more ‘normal’, I have been reading this book.

Screen Shot 2020-04-30 at 11.08.36 am

This is not a plug for the book. It’s pretty old anyway, there are probably loads of different updated versions or whatever and, you know, when it comes to old books (cough) THE BIBLE, they can sometimes be ‘crazy talk’ (yeah that’s right! I am satanist ‘low gruff growlllllling’….. Actually, if the bible and that stuff works for you, then god bless you and honestly I wish it was as simple as that for me). Back to the yellow book, I don’t think there is a section on bloodletting, but I am only up to Chapter 3. It could turn out to be a really boring read, I guess I’ll have to find out more as I go on. Pretty interesting so far. I made this artwork about my feelings that it brought out of me so far (above). When I read the book I feel like I am going to an AA meeting.

Hi everyone, my name is Sienna and I scored 41 out of 63 on the BDI test, which puts me in the Extreme Depression Category. My brain is sort of like a computer, like binary. To me, things are black or white or 1’s and 0’s. I thought this was sort of a good thing but it turns out it is pretty fucked up. It sort makes me like a machine. MMMMmmmm sexy fuck doll maybe. You know, while we are being open and honest, the writing in the book is really small, but that could be just my beady eyes.

He comes that Christian confessional coming back again. Damn it!

Dear Sienna,

You need to admit you have a problem. Where do you want to start? Your childhood?

Who me? I can’t even really remember it, but what I do remember is that it was pretty good really. I mean my folks did the best they could. I had lots of fun they didn’t try to control me at all. Really I just wasn’t a very resilient child. When things went wrong or I got rejected, I didn’t really know how to process that, and having the brain that I had (the old All or Nothing programming), meant I usually ended up self-destructing. I am still pretty weak now.  I hope this book works out. I suppose I better go and read it. Talk later.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s