It’s not you, it’s me. It’s my fault. Because I can’t let go, I can’t submit. I can’t get better. I am my own master of myself and chose to fail. I choose to do nothing because I am afraid the fail. I’d rather have control of my life and I know that I can fail. I can’t listen or follow your advice or accept demands. So I just live, I hide in my bed, I am paranoid, I am alone, I talk to myself because I am too afraid to die and I know I can’t take care of myself. I can’t survive without you. I have become a parasite, a mouth wide open sucking your soul away. I don’t love myself. I don’t love anything. I can’t even cheer myself up because I am so horrible and unbearable. I make myself sick. I don’t change. I am unmotivated. I don’t see the value of effort. I don’t believe in hard work. I don’t believe in objectivity because none of it has been proven to be true in this life. I do nothing to help myself. I am a waste of space. I am cancer. There is no bait that moves me. There no promise I will believe. I am this damaged being. I am a failed experiment. I am a slot machine that never pays out. I am broken. They took away my heart. They took away my spirit. They took that tiny piece of faith I had left and burnt it in front of my face. They put the knife in the front and just stared at me. Like a wounded dog, I ran away, hiding. I am me. It’s me. I don’t fit here. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. I need to make this picture. I need to remember, that no matter what, I am a wild creature, an untrainable beast that no one can own.
Sienna Michelle Armstrong 